Monday, July 28, 2008


"- I want to be rich... like you.
- I am not rich. I am a poor man with money. They are different things."

(Love in the Times of Cholera)


Monday, July 21, 2008

Punitive Consti

A very unexpected party ringing me today has shaken my entire mood. Thanks god, the line was bad so I had a chance to hang up. Those ringing me are people from the past that I wanna delete frvr. I made efforts under their name, my efforts are not appreciated besides my time is stolen. However they never gave up using my written material. I do not give a shit. -Ahm, meine Kreavititaet ist endlos *g* *toi toi toi* Ich kann einfach weiter schreiben u veröffentlichen!- But how shameless that they can still ring me. I guess its the rite time to be a perv.
The Blessed Emperor, Her Excelleny, Votre Altesse Consti has gotta dish out!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

E. A. Poe & Constantine Cavafy

The guy with a touch of madness (actually which artist isn't mad huh?) Poe and my deeply beloved historical poet K. Kavafis/Constantne Cavafy -This is much esthetic: Κωνσταντίνος Καβάφης - has been traversive to me whilst I was bide my time to walk over one other bridge of my life...
Eldorado and Ithaca has always been my favorites and I do not hesitate blaming those claiming loving those poems as my "wannabes". Eldorado is mine Ithaca is mine! I goona rule the gloooooobeeee muhohahahhaaaa

Thank You Penny!

"What separates the winners from the losers is the ability both to take a risk and to get back in the saddle after an upset. So, which are you? You could well find out under these stars since there is a real opportunity to show what you're truly made of, especially in light of a recent difficulty. Confidence is going to be half the battle now, so even if you fear rejection or ridicule, by putting on a bright and determined face you will melt the opposition. (And you will certainly prove a lot to yourself.) And if you have major events already in the diary, put those doubts away and enjoy your moment in the sun.

Success is in the mind of the believer."

Monday, July 14, 2008

Viva Consti!

I hate family members speaking about my careeer plans, mingling with what I'm doing and trying to fix me in a state institution. The sole reason is that I am staying here in Ankara. If I go, settle my self far away then I would be the bad gal leavin mom behind, alone. When I try to balance my future plans and my family responsibilities, then its not appreciated but they are still trying to flow into my own equation. I hardly bear this, and I wonder how long can I keep my silence and keep on doing my own business by not breaking hearts.
Does magic work? I guess I need it.
What I dream of and hanker and work for are so far away from what they want me to be.
I want to establish my world and I swear I will do this.. I don't need no ones support. I am the empress ;) Her majesty can do this on her own and walk against the storm.
Viva Consti
Viva Warrior
Viva Consti
Viva Constiiiiiiii

Damn Ill Mannered Men and my Sisters

I've lotta to speak about the matter, but short of time, thus lemme briefly and promptly curse a couple of evil man:
God damn the obsessed low quality, cheap guy darkenning the life of my angel-like, dearie, Lombardian duchess, sista Didzie, so mine. The hardly any human selfish, rough guy. Poor him. Distorted psychology is his problem.
The man of gestures(!) namely disconnect-- is the second item of our curse list, who led my brain switch into standby by mentioning the gestures he has done(!!) for the my rebellious tough plate the Best Turkish Dish Ever .
Thirdly I feel compelled to mention the asshole, who hardly any deserves my red-hot-pretty-arduous Beatrix.
We see the guy capturing the beautiful-like-a-pearl Eileen, that I still wonder at his existence around her. I damn them all. I gonna get into deeper analyzes soon.

Stay tuned.

Beatrix Did It!

I see the light by the end of tunnel since Beatrix (aka Pinky) did it! She managed! She submitted! So this process can be accomplished :) Congratulations Pinky. Consti is proud of you!

Frankie Valli

A real reason to love Frankie Valli:

put your lovin' hand out, baby
i'm beggin'
beggin', put your lovin' hand out, baby
beggin' you, put your lovin' hand out, baby

ridin' high when i was king
played it hard and fast cause i had everything
walked away, wonderin' then
but easy come and easy go and it would end

i'm beggin' you, won't you give your hand out, baby
beggin', put your lovin' hand out, baby

i need you to understand
that i tried so hard to be a man
the kind of man you'd want in the end
only then can i begin to live again

an empty shell i used to be
shadow of my life is hangin' over me
broken man that i don't know
will leave it standing, devil's dancing with my soul

beggin' you, won't you give your hand out, baby
beggin', put your lovin' hand out, baby

i'm fightin' hard to hold my own
no, i just can't make it all alone
i'm holdin' on, i can't fall back
now that big brass ring is a shade of black

i'm beggin' you, give your hand out, baby
beggin', won't you put your lovin' hand out, baby

Saturday, July 12, 2008

From Marquez's Infeasibile Prodigy to Time Killing Pages of Internet

It s so gorgeous to begin a day by laughing. Thanks god, that is what I have done today. This morning, by waking up around 04.30 a.m unconsciously and unplanned I managed to have kinda spiritual purification. I somehow celebrated the rising sun and crowned it by reading some lines from "Love in the Time of Cholera". G.G.Marquez is so holy so adorable with his nuts style. I donno how to define it, but lemme say at least it is a kind of oneiric reality. I remember reading crazy happenings in his One Hundred years of Solitude as well; like some one being disturbed by the noise of the dead people upstairs; a village falling into wakefulness illness and beginning to forget every single thing; rains lasting four years; again a dead man pissing by a walnut tree etc etc. This morning I couldn't help bursting into laughter because of Dr. Urbino refusing his camomile tea on the ground that it tastes like window...While reading at a pace none of the aforementioned unfeasible incidents attract the attention. The reader keeps on reading as if what is told is the most ordinary thing on earth. But as it is considered for a second time, what has been read, than the reader cannot avoid designating G. G. Marquez as "nuts" and cannot help the enthusiasm for more of Marquez writings. I can never get enough of it.

I am not such a cream de la cream, elite, intellectual personality just to read distinguished peaces of world literature; modern methodologies of political science and recent articles and news on my theme...I cannot avoid keeping pace with the recent Hollywood gossips, fashion pages and shitty esoteric stuff besides astrology sites. I love'em so don't judge me and let it go. Of course, I will never reveal my own sources, find your owns if you are interested. What I wanna share is a shitty sentenced I read in one of those pages, which I will use in a shopping session:

"Does This Bracelet Make Me Look Fat?"

Tuesday, July 8, 2008


Even though this dissertation, in addition to translation stuff coming every single day and the burden flowing from the University, and keeping the social life at least at a certain level, besides self care (OK its not something that I'm successful at but at least I'm trying constant exercising every evening) I feel that I like joggling a number of balls simultaneously.

Or perhaps the above running sentence is a cognitive indicator that I'm tired and somehow fed up and trying to calm down my subconsciousness. I donno. *ugh*

Hm..and still Im longing for friends and atmosphere and city of Ddorf.

I'll be back.

I'm the legend.

Legenz gonna be back.


Monday, July 7, 2008

I hanker for Ddorf

I cannot even define what it is that Im missing clearly. But what I know is: Im missing Düsseldorf :-/

I'm missing much. So much that it affects my daily functioning. Its not procrastination, it is not an excuse for not studying, reading etc. This, seriously, brings me down today.

As soon as the appropriate conditions ripen, I will run off.

Patience Consti. Patience...